


Better Stay Awhile

by flurblewig



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-14
Updated: 2002-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flurblewig/pseuds/flurblewig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would have happened if the Birthdayverse *didn't* reset after Cordelia took the visions back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Stay Awhile

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Subject: Tribute  
Author: (Hannah) Sweet_Cordelia  
Member no: #325  
Posted: 14th September 2002

 

Well, everyone's doing this so I guess that it's my turn. So where do I start? I suppose that first of all it should be with a big thank-you to my partner-in-crime Jen, aka Cordysgirl_82. Even if I do say so myself, _Better Stay Awhile_ is the greatest Cordy site on the net - and it's an honor to be a part of it. I only hope that I can do something resembling justice to the subject - which is, of course, the one and only…

Cordelia Chase.

The first _Cordy_! Episode I saw was from the middle of S2 - the one where she and Nat got stuck in the elevator. I'd heard of Cordelia Chase before, of course, because the first season had received so much publicity, but I'd never actually seen the show. I didn't watch a lot of television in those days, and it was only because I'd been too sick to go to the gym that I'd caught this one at all.

Boy, am I grateful for that stomach bug! It didn't feel like any kind of blessing at the time, but it kept me on the couch and in front of the screen when she came on, and I don't feel melodramatic in saying that it changed my life. _She_ changed my life.

She was beautiful, yes - that goes without saying. But that wasn't it, that wasn't all. She was different, she was special. You could see it in her eyes, in her smile, in everything about her. What can I say? You'll all been there. We saw her, and we fell in love.

When I got involved with fandom - actually, when I started spending money on being involved with fandom - my mom gave me The Talk. Any of you guys get given that? The one about obsession not being a Good Thing, and about the virtues of Real Life Friends - preferably, a Real Life Boyfriend. Ahem.   
My mom might have had trouble with the idea, but I'm not an idiot and I'm not disturbed. No more so that anyone else, anyway! I knew the difference between fantasy and reality. But I also knew that she was wrong when she said that Cordelia Chase was just another pretty face; just another starlet on the make, who was only interested in fans for the money they brought in.

Some people just never got it, you know? My mom was one of them. She saw Cordy but she didn't - she just saw the dresses and the hair and the make-up and the awards and the fashion spreads. She never saw what I saw. She never saw her _heart._

Cordelia Chase cared. She cared about people - did _any_ other star do the kind of charity work she did? - and she cared about her fans. Even when she decided she wasn't going to do the show anymore, and yes, that was a black day for all of us, we knew she wasn't leaving _us._

I cried the day I heard about the cancellation, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. One good thing came out of it, though - even my mom had to admit that retiring at the height of your fame isn't the action of a money-grabbing bitch.

It hurt to think that we'd never see her on screen again - never watch her flirt with Jamie, or snark at Alan, or argue with crazy old Mrs Partridge. But she had her reasons, and even if they weren't entirely clear, I respected that.

Unfortunately, not everyone did. I've never really understood the whole celebrity media thing - the magazines and the photographs and the shows about people in shows. I mean - I get the _fan_ thing, of course I do, but that's not what it's about. This stuff isn't for fans - it's for vultures that don't care who it is that's being held up for examination, just as long as they're famous. It could be Cordy or Russell Crowe or Bill Clinton or Madonna - it doesn't matter. And it also doesn't seem to matter whether it's even true. Nobody cares - not the people who make it up, not the people who read it.

The National Enquirer says Cordelia Chase was fired because of a drug problem? That she had an insane brother locked away in her attic? That she shacked up with a couple of devil-worshippers and spent all her time having black magic orgies? Why then it must be true, mustn't it? They wouldn't print it if it wasn't _true,_ would they?

Yeah, right.

As most of you here know, I met Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Cordelia was always very private about her - well, her private life, but she often used to drop by the bulletin board, and I like to think that to a certain extent she got to know me and Jen. That she was comfortable with us. I'm not going to try and pretend that either of us were actually her friends or anything, but she knew we weren't crazy stalkers or rabid journalists, and I do think she trusted us.

She knew that we - her fans - were worried, and she didn't want that. She wanted to let us know that none of the crazy shit going around was true, and she knew she could do that through _Better Stay Awhile_.

So we went to her house, to the 'den of iniquity' itself, and we met Wesley and Charles there. And no, they weren't the kind of people you'd expect a big star to be living with, but then Cordy never did lead the Big Star lifestyle, did she? So Wesley wasn't a Satanist, and Charles wasn't a drug-dealer, and Angel - well, actually Angel was kind of - broken, I guess, but he seemed well-cared-for and neither dangerous nor abused. I don't know if he actually was her brother, but they obviously cared a great deal about each other. Even if he wasn't her family, it didn't matter - she cared about him and she looked after him, because that's the kind of person she was.

It just seems that our society believes in that kind of person as much as it believes in Santa Claus.

Yes, she'd started to look pretty terrible. I can't deny that. But she wasn't a drug addict, she wasn't an alcoholic, she wasn't having a nervous breakdown.

I wish she had been, you know? Because all those things could have been _fixed._

Neuro-electrical deterioration of the brain, though? Much harder to fix. Much, much harder.

In fact, as we now know, impossible.

And now I'm going to stop, because I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry any more today, and I know that everyone here already knows how I feel.

::Hugs to everyone:: Take care of yourselves, you hear?

We'll miss you, Cordelia Chase. You were the best.

Sweet dreams.

 

H. xx

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-End-


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